10:30 p.m. - 2004-03-09
yammer
My god. Why I do this to myself again and again...the lord only knows. But I stayed up most of last night chipping away at a story that was due today. I never thought I would write so well, with the absurd amount of dope I have been smoking, the high-point (ha ha) of which was during this story.
But that's over, for the moment. I am feeling especially weary today, and its not just the sleep-deprivation. Maybe I'm overreacting, to myself or to the suggestions of others, but I'm thinking about going to see someone for whatever depression shit I'm in right now.
It is odd to me, how I have been avoiding the world as I have. I don't want to be out among the people any more, at least not like I used to. Not like I craved to be. It could be any number of things, but I think I'm pre-emptively detaching from my world before I am forced to lose it, or at least watch it change into something unpleasant (if I remain motionless, that is). And I'm just...sad. I don't know.
I also realized I am still doing things one with a crush would do for their crush. Stupid crush. Get thee behind me, and replaceth thyself with a more available counterparte.
I'm working and I'm not happy about it, as the flavorless nature of my writing at this moment may reveal. However, I have solved my computer problems and will soon have internet at my house. Yay!!!
