11:02 p.m. - 2004-02-11
tideturning
Stress continues at its usual clip. I have SO FUCKING MUCH I need to finish for Friday, but I refuse to let anything stand in my way. Which means I may have to be going around the clock tomorrow, between class, work and homework. Joy! I love sixteen hour days. Believe me, it will come close to this. All of which will be celebrated on this babylonian whore of a campus. Curses.
The crush is displaying entirely unpredictable signs. Something has lit a fire under him and I get the sinking feeling it is not me. If he is inexplicably not in love with me...god be with him.
I am not terribly thrilled with the state of things in general, making the fated weekend to Portland all the more necessary. I am absolutely faklempt over the girls I am adventuring with, and a change in scenery, even this soon, is all too necessary. I feel like life has been unpleasantly no play of late. Sure, I've been smoking weed around the clock, but it's to downplay the stress of dishes/homework/class/work/paperwork/tome-ish to-do list.
I am also looking at plane tickets for spring break...apparently southwest is doing a sweetass promo on $99 tickets from point to point for one way...almost anywhere in the US. I'm thinking NYC, because I need to get my east coast back on. Even if I am now unapologetically west-coast (side note: I have made peace with my Californian-ness this week, through the rare but intense moments of reflection I've had in the last few days), I believe in cultivating bicoastalism. Not that I'll be needing that for a while...all I need is my eurotrashedness for the next big move.
Life is weird right now. I am increasingly certain, from minute to minute, that the crush is definitely all up in someone else at the mo. Godmothafuckingdamnitalltohellandshit. I want to ask, just so I can know and put it out of mind my mind early. But I don't want to know, because he'll start telling me about it and I will be out that door in about thirty seconds, because I will be totally engulfed in my own unmeritied jealousy. Whee.
