3:00 p.m. - 2003-09-22
is this a good idea?
The time for self-inflicted emotional crucifixition is OVER. Fuckity fuck kidlings, how scary it is to have something that must be, not just should be, done at almost all hours of the day. No fucking wonder I cannot sleep.
I signed myself up for the Pollner Seminar today, a class that meets Mondays after working all bloody week long on various elements of crime reporting. I'm starting to feel a heel for starving away my reporterly instincts, and haved decided the best way to nurse them back to health is to ride the righteous wave of the previous entry and throw myself headlong into yet another enormous project type thing.
I keep on running into ex-friends whom I have nothing but contempt for. Now is not the time for backpedalling, so I have managed to stay the course. It beats the killer instinct of trying to pull people closer when they started moving away from me. WHeeee.
Crush continues to intensify. I would say I need a distraction, but such a statement seems profoundly misleading when I have to distract myself into unconsciousness.
Yesterday, after going on a five-hour wine bender with my charming ex-neighbor, I went home, did laundry and re-dyed my hair. And for the record, it is fucking BADASS, but knowing manic panic and the rules of red, I suspect it won't stay this way but another few days. Unless I stop washing my hair. Hmmmmm....
Happy thoughts for my friends that had their local ceremony this weekend. I felt so happy for them I almost completely forgot how uncomfortable I was being at said wedding. It was fight or flight most of the afternoon, ending in me making a well-timed break for it. It was worth it - they are both marvelous people, and I have nothing but good wishes for them. Now how often can I say that?
